Not a century ago, women were dressed in long robes that were akin to a nun’s habit. Nearly every part of the woman’s body was covered with a chaste modesty held sacred by society. Fast forward to the 21st century, where conservative fashion is all but dead and both men and women show more skin than cloth. Our forefathers fought for freedom so that we may speak freely and ask questions without fear of reprisal. Society has become so liberated that we are now capable of asking the question who is the Queen of the rears without being branded a heretic and stoned in public. Who has the best booty? Whose derriere is the carrier of the crown? Whose booty reigns supreme? Is it Rihanna booty, Miley Cyrus booty or maybe someone from the past like Marilyn Monroe’s booty?
That retro mention of Marilyn Monroe from the 1950’s and 1960’s goes to show that there have been great number of candidates for the best booty award throughout the history of mankind. Opting for one or the other would be a monumental blow to women’s self-esteem everywhere. Thus for the sake of brevity, like in the Game of Thrones, the only people eligible for the crown are those who are still alive. That way each of the candidates can battle it out in trial by combat in case the decision is questioned. Now on to the Queen candidates!
Like Finely-Aged Wine
People argue that beauty wanes through time and by that definition, the younger and nearer a woman is to her prime, the better her booty. However, evidence dictates otherwise, just appreciating some J. Lo booty and some Beyonce booty would immediately make a man think twice about this concept of degrading beauty with age. Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce’s booty are excellent candidates for the Derriere queen as they have proven that gravity and time have no power over their bodacious bodies and booty.
New is Always Better
Daring to announce that older women cannot compete for the title of best posterior is just plain ridiculous. Still, the younger generation of celebrities make a great case for themselves. The Disney Channel, although a children’s network, has recently produced two candidates for the world’s best rump. Appreciating some Miley Cyrus booty and Selena Gomez booty can easily make any man, young or old swoon with amazement. Despite being younger than other aspiring booty queens, the two make a great case with their recent barely-clad antics. The public waits with bated breath as these two lovely ladies continue to develop towards their prime.
And the Winner: Coco Martin!
The crown for Queen of the Rears is Coco Austin. Coco who?! The Queen of the Rears is the American bombshell of Serbian ancestry and in case you think that she is undeserving of the award, her six month tenure in the Playboy mansion should silence any lingering doubts. The fact that you can see her posterior in all its glory in several R-Rated films was a big factor in her grabbing the crown.